Part 3

I am here to continue the deployment story as the saga continues even today....

So, after finding out about my spouses conduct unbecoming of an officer I was told that I would get the complete story when he returned that June.  We had scheduled events due to National dance competitions out of state so his deadline was then or the family was going and he would have been substituted with my mother.  He returned on a Sunday at midnight to a local airport that had undergone such dramatic renovation, that I got lost!  I had been on stand-by for several days as he had the military hearing overseas and was getting checked out at the military hospital in Germany (and by coincidence...SHE was there as well).  The children did not come to the airport with me, I had to work the following day, a demanding 60 hour a week job and failed to greet him with family, balloons etc.  By the way, by delaying his return at the German facility (I am sure more pleasure than medical) he did not return with his unit and was not a part of the welcome home ceremony.  I was forwarned that there could be a confrontation by others....I would not have been able to hold back anger and was not supportive of those who are looked upon as heros that had affairs with staff members and returned home to their families as if nothing happened.

Therefore, I was considered "unsupportive" as a spouse.  He didn't immediately look for PTSD counseling but needed it.  I listed and saw the videos that I am sure he should not have even taken, but I saw them several times when he showed family, then friends, then co-workers and even church members. I went to his civil service work functions while he was deployed but, NO...I was unsupportive. 

I gave him months to tell me the full story.  It got pretty rediculous around Halloween when he would come and go as he pleased and drop everything when a fellow serviceman called.  He immediately went back to work, against my beliefs and was away every weekend on "military duty".  I told him to move out.  We made many dates to be alone and have the discussion but all he could do was look at me and stare.  Trust me, the blank stare is not pleasant.  On the evening of the move out...he was told to pack his things while the children were in school.  After a silent dinner he tearfully told the children he was moving into an apartment closer to his job.  Our 11 yr old boy cried along with his father and our then 8 yr old daughter just stared at the ceiling and was silent, along with me.

We sent the kids to bed and he insisted on spewing his guts of his actions.  She was a fill in from another state.  She was in administration.  She commented that he didn't get enough mail (she must have tossed away mail as we sent him cards and packages constantly - some of which were never received by him).  They began a friendship which became close and then inappropriate.  She was separated and then divorced while overseas.  Every weekend "duty" was a trip with her.  She, at 25, set up his apartment with furniture and decorations and "they" planned on getting bunk beds for the children to stay in the 2nd bedroom.

So, not only did I now know most of what he had recently told me upon his return was a lie, how far did the lies go back?  And HOW COULD HE?  Oh, but she was sick in the woman parts now and he could not leave her because all along the deployment when he tried to end it...she threatened to tell me.  Who do you think sent me the photos? 

I was crushed by the only person in the world that I thought loved me, passionately.  For weeks I couldn't eat a complete meal and deadened my pain with alcohol and Ipod music.  Being thinner, I started pulling myself together and went to Victoria Secret (the first time in years).  I began to wear heels and shorter skirts to work.  I started to flirt and chat on Yahoo.  I found out that I am attractive and men desire me.  It isn't OK to step out on your wife.  Just when I started to get crabby at work the girls told me I needed an "adjustment".  Well, it had been a long time....they suggested a coworker who on several occasions had been flirtatious, but I didn't pay any mind.  I still wore my wedding rings....until...I got up the nerve to ask him for a drink.

We will have to continue this next time...I will try to add more in the next few days.